He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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