Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
