I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
