i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize