So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
