If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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