What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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