Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize