Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
