I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
