Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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