That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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