Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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