I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
