I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My breasts were aching with rage.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
