I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
