This is not my ceiling
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
