I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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