it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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