I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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