Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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