Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
