hotel room ftw
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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