you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
