Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
