id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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