Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
