4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
