Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
