I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
