At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
