dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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