Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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