Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
