I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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