oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
