Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
