Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
