Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
