No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
