so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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