Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
