What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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