i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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