I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
