Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Soap is not a condiment
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
