I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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