Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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