before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize