We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
