either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
