how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
