Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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