R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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