I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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