like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
