ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
