very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
