So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
