Can i not drive my cunt home
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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