I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
