Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
