Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have feelings that need drinking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
