im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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