imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
