my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
