i need an iv and a liver transplant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
