Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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