I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
